Rules For Boys They Don't Teach in School
By Bruce Shawkey
Found this neat booklet on the Internet titled "Rules For My Son." It was published by Hallmark in 2012 under license from St. Martins Press. I don't necessarily agree with all of them, but here they are.
1. When in doubt, wear a tie.
2. Ride in the front car of a roller coaster.
3. See movies on the big screen.
4. Be a vigorous dancer.
5. However, you're under no obligation to join a conga line.
6. Be a strong swimmer, especially in the ocean.
7. Avoid gossip.
8. Talent is learned. Learn to sing.
9. Stand up for the little guy. He'll remember you.
10. Be careful what you set your heart upon, for it will surely be yours. (James Baldwin)
11. Buy seasonal fruit from your local stand or bodega.
12. Men should not wear sandals. Ever.
(We skip a few that I don't necessarily agree with)
17. On stage is no time to be shy. Speak up.18. Start a band.
19. A T-shirt is neither a philosophy nor an advertisement. It's a shirt. Wear it plain.
20. Know her dress size. Don't ask.
21. On occasion, pick up the tab.
22. Don't poke fun at contemporary art. Put it in context.
23. Don't spit on the sidewalk.
24. The key to good photography is not timing. It's editing.
25. Don't be shy in the locker room. They're all thinking the same thing.
26. Be a good listener. Don't just wait your turn to talk.
27. A vandal is the worst form of scoundrel.
28, Yes ma'am. No sir. No exceptions.
30. Choose your corner, pick away it carefully, intensely, and to the best of your ability, and that way you might change the world. (Charles Eames)
31. On a road trip, offer to buy the first tank of gas.
32. Always meet your date at the door.
33. Make a rock and roll pilgrimage.
34. Make a hipster's day. Donate old clothing.
35. Audition for a play. Read for the lead.
36. Never pack more than you can carry yourself.
37. Live in New York. (At least for a time, and if you can afford it.)
39. Take the stairs.
40. Root for the home team. Even when they stink.
41. Have a reliable hangout.
42. Nothing good ever happens after 3 a.m. I promise.
43. Sit in front of the classroom.
44. Finish what you start, especially books.
45. There is rarely a time to raise your voice. At the ballgame is one.
46. Never eat the same meal twice in a row.
47. Don't show off. Impress.
48. Make sure your clothes fit properly.
49. At funerals, a dark suit is fine. You shouldn't own a black one.
50. Don't loiter where there is a dispute that doesn't concern you.
51. Be good at a variety of things. Specialization is for insects.
52. Don't be a mooch.
53. When speaking with a journalist, choose your words carefully.
57. Think about your answers, then call them back.
54. Push-ups and sit-ups are all you'll ever need to build muscle.
55. Never criticize a book, play or film unless you have read it or seen it yourself. Art is full of surprises.
56. Support friends in the arts. Especially if they stink.
57. Learn to sail.
58. The most expensive restaurant is never the best.
59. Remember, the girl you're with is somebody's sister, and he's perfectly capable of kicking your butt.
60. Be a good passer, but don't forget to shoot.
61. Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the fate of the human race. (H.G. Wells)
62. Wear a sport coat when traveling by plane. It has easily accessible pockets.
63. Spend as much time in the water as you can. In a pinch, a creek will do.
64. Keep your word.
65. Memorize the Bill of Rights. And your favorite poem.
66. Respect fire.
67, Philanthropy is not measured in dollars and cents.
68. On a city sidewalk, walk briskly and don't impede traffic.
70. Take the train.
71. Run for student government at least once.
72. Let the axe do the work.
73. Enough already.
Learn the rules of cricket.
74. If you're going to reinvent yourself,
be original.
75. Bodysurf.
76. Be subtle.
She sees you.
77. Give credit.
Take the blame.
78. Don't underestimate your fertility.
79, Write down your dreams.
80, Unless you have served
in the armed forces,
no fatigues.
81.The best thing you can give your
neighbors is a well-kept lawn.
82. Keep a schedule.
83. Experience the serenity
of traveling alone.
84. The one true measure of
a
successful adventure is returning home safely.
85. Call your mom.
86. Your best chance of being a rock
star is learning the bass.
87. When excusing yourself from the table,
you need not give a reason.
88. If you have the right of way, take it.
89. If the maitre d’ mistakes you
for someone famous, there’s
no rush to correct him.
90. When it comes to
opening presents, no one
likes a good guesser.
91. Don't stare directly
into a dog’s eyes.
92. Never under any circumstances
ask a woman if she is pregnant.
93, Courage is not the lack of fear, it is acting in spite of it. (Mark Twain)
94. Don’t date the bartender.
95. Learn to pronounce French
words correctly.
96. Be a regular at your
local flea market.
97. If you choose to wear a tie, commit.
Button your top button.
98. Offer your date the seat with
the best view of the restaurant.
99. Never be the last one in the pool.
100. Keep a garden.
102. Get back in touch with old friends.
103. Eat more fish.
104. Do your own bicycle repairs.
105. Order dessert.
106. Don’t shout out requests
at rock shows.
107. Be a good wingman.
108. Don’t stare.
People-watch.
109, Protect your privacy,
especially if you become famous.
110. Address anyone who carries a
firearm professionally as sir or ma'am.
111. Explore the branches of your
family tree. You never know what
you might find.
112. Sleep with the
window open.
113. If you drop change, pick it up.
Even the pennies.
114. Don't pose with booze.
116. You aren't done raking until you've
jumped into the leaf pile.
117. Don't settle for a store bought cake. Bake.
118. Surround yourself with smart people.
119, Don’t be a snob.
120. I not only use all that brains that I have, but all that I can borrow. (Woodrow Wilson)
121. If the teacher forgets to assign homework,
keep quiet.
122. If you've made your point,
stop talking.
123. Admit when you are wrong.
Mean it.
124. If you spot a teacher outside of school,
leave him or her be.
125. Don't
personalize your
license plates.
126. If you offer to
help, don’t quit until the
job is done.
128. Be precise.
129. Stay busy. There is always
something that could use a
fresh coat of paint.
130. There is never an excuse
for stealing someone's cab.
131. When you're older,
coach.
132. Look people in the eye when you
thank them, especially waiters.
133. Choose a window seat
and enjoy the view.
134. Twice a year, write
down your goals.
135. Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. (Ernest Hemingway)
136. Don’t panic.
137. Thank the bus driver.
138. Keep your passport current.
139. Become an expert in something.
140. Write letters.
On paper.
141. Be careful what you put in
writing. You can’t take it back.
142. Cite your sources,
even online.
143. Whistle.
144. Help a buddy move.
145. Don't boast about projects in progress.
Celebrate their completion.
146. If you make a mistake,
forgive yourself and move on.
147. Spend a summer waiting tables.
148. Always keep a good joke handy.
149. Don’t salt your food until
you've tasted it.
150, Never turn
down a girl’s
invitation to
dance.
151. Play hooky once in a while.
152. Order the local specialty.
153. Enter a talent show.
154. Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like hell underneath. (Michael Caine)
155. Drive across the country.
Don't rush.
156. But do limit your time in California.
158. Don't have a girlfriend in college.
159, Learn to drive a stick shift.
160, Smile at pretty girls.
161. A wise man knows his way around a kitchen.
162. Have a signature dish,
even if it’s your only one.
163. Be quick with a
“Good morning.”
164. Have a favorite song.
It doesn’t have to be cool.
165. Never leave a job without
securing your next employment. But when it’s time to go,
don't hesitate.
166. Everything I've ever done was out of fear of being mediocre. (Chet Atkins)
167. Be nice to your sister. You are her
cheerleader, confidante, and bodyguard.
168. Find yourself a
good hideout.
169. Always stop at a
lemonade stand. Tip well.
170. If you're going to quote someone,
get it right.
171. Know the proper time to chew gum.
It’s less often than you think.
172. On occasion, go to the
movies by yourself.
173. Wait for your song to play
on the jukebox.
174. Have a favorite painting.
175. The best thing to do in the rain
is be quiet and listen.
176. Don’t let the
ice-cream truck
get away.
177. Hustle.
178. Keep hardback copies of your
favorite books. Donate the rest to a
local exchange.
179. Remember
to thank
your hosts.
180. If you don’t know what
a
word means, ask.
Before it’s too late.
181. Know your neighborhood
like the back of your
hand. Sometimes the best
adventures are in your own
backyard.
182. Trust the
concierge.
183. Suck it up.
184. If you have to make more
than one substitution,
order something else.
185. Wisdom begins with
an awe of nature.
186. Send postcards.
189. Read the good majority of a
newspaper every day and don't forget the funny pages.
190. Collect things.
191. Befriend your local butcher.
192. Own your own
baseball mitt and golf
clubs. All other athletic
equipment can be shared
or borrowed.
193. Offer your seat
to a woman, no matter
how old she is.
195. An hour with your
grandparents is time
well spent.
196. Watch a lightning storm from a safe spot.
197. Compliment your mom's cooking.
198. Be a well-informed voter and don’t forget your local elections.
199. Take it easy, but take it. (Woody Guthrie)
200. Don’t litter.
Ever.
201. Honking your
horn won't make them
go faster.
202. Minimize
talking on
the telephone.
203. Keep iced tea in the fridge.
It’s healthy, cold, and cheap.
204. No one likes a
know-it-all.
205. Choose the correct
screwdriver for the job.
206. When in the woods, be quiet.
207. Eat more vegetables.
Takes care of the ticker.
208. Never talk during a
movie. Arrive early and go
for center seats.
209. Girls like boys who shower.
210. In Monopoly, buy the
orange properties.
211. Don’t renege on bets. Better yet, don’t gamble.
202. When shaking hands,
grip firmly and look him in the eye.
203. If you get to thinking you are a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around. (Will Rogers)
204. You are what you do,
not what you say.
205. Don't flatten burgers on the grill.
It squeezes out all the juices.
206. It is not enough to be
proud of your ancestry.
Live up to it.
207. Don’t make a scene.
208. Keep a scrapbook. But avoid a collages.
209. Finish the
crossword.
210. Follow instructions.
You'll be done in half the time.
211. Don't be afraid to ask out the
best-looking girl in the room.
212. Buy regular gas; avoid cars that require Premium.
213. Nothing is
more important
than family.
214. ESSENTIAL READING FOR BOYS
Just So Stories: Rudyard Kipling
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz: L. Frank Baum
The Machine Gunners: Robert Westall
A Wrinkle in Time: Madeleine L'Engle
The Cay: Theodore Taylor
Call of the Wild: Jack London
Lord of the Flies: William Golding
The Outsiders: S. E. Hinton
The Crystal Cave: Mary Stewart
Stranger in a Strange Land: Robert Heinlein
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer: Mark Twain
To Kill a Mockingbird: Harper Lee
A Separate Peace: John Knowles
All Quiet on the Western Front: Erich Maria Remarque
Kon-Tiki: Thor Hyerdahl
Manchild in the Promised Land: Claude Brown
The Origin of Species: Charles Darwin
The Killer Angels: Michael Shaara
The Great Gatsby: F. Scott Fitzgerald
The Sun Also Rises: Earnest Hemingway
The Moviegoer: Walker Percy
1984: George Orwell
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: Ken Kesey
Bound for Glory: Woody Guthrie
Chesapeake: James A. Michener
Master and Commander: Patrick O'Brian
All the King's Men: Robert Penn Warren
A Passage to India: E.M. Forster
The Brothers Karamazov: Fyodor Dostoevsky
Collected Stories: John Cheever
Revolutionary Road: Richard Yates
The Postman Always Rings Twice: James Cain
The Perfect Storm: Sebastian Junger
Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay: Michael Chabon
Author Walker Lamond is a writer and television producer. His work
has appeared on the Discovery Channel, National Geographic
Channel, the Sundance Channel, and HBO. Lamond lives in
Washington, D.C., with his wife and their son
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