The Weirdest Christmas Albums

 By Bruce Shawkey

'Tis the season for Christmas music. It seems everyone and their brother has recorded a Christmas album at one time or another, and they keep coming. I wondered what some of the weirdest and obscure Christmas Albums are out there, and here's what I found.



Christmas with Colonel Sanders. Sanders doesn't actually sing on this album (probably best!).  These are just some of his supposed favorites by Chet Atkins, Lorne Greene and others. It was recorded in 1969.




Christmas on Death Row, released 20 years ago, is a compilation of various artists on the Death Row label. The music isn’t the worrisome thing here; it’s the album cover depicting Santa in the electric chair. (Don’t show it to grandma or the kids.) Songs include hits Snoop and Nate Dogg’s "Santa Claus Goes Straight to the Ghetto" and 6 Feet Deep's cover of “Silent Night.” If you like your holiday tunes filled with curse words, this one’s for you.




It's a Waffle House Christmas. Spending Christmas at the Waffle House sounds like fun (Not!). They’re open 24/7, you know. There are traditional songs on the album, but few can top “Waffle House 12 Days of Christmas,” in which a couple sings, “My true love gave to me, 10 cups of coffee, eight chicken sandwiches, seven T-bone steaks, four eggs a fryin’, three sausage patties, two waffles baking, and a bowl of delicious hot grits” without a bit of irony.



A Rosie Christmas

This album was just an excuse for then-daytime talk show host Rosie O’Donnell to brag about how she was buddies with Celine Dion, Elton John, and Elmo, then sing middling duets with them. Cher contributes (butchers) a dance-electro version of Darlene Love’s already-perfect “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” while Gloria Estefan and Rosie sing “Gonna Eat for Christmas.” Lauryn Hill’s funky “Little Drummer Boy” seems to be the only saving grace—until Rosie chimes in and ruins it.


Christmas at Luke's Sex Shop

The Miami rap group, 2 Live Crew, created a lot of controversy in the 1990s, so why not add fuel to the fire with a Christmas record? Throughout the 1994 album, MC Luther Campbell raps nontraditional Christmas songs, such as “Ho Ho Hoes,” “2 Live Christmas," “Christmas Spliff,” and “Christmas F---in’ Day,” which sounds a lot like “Gin and Juice.” Campbell went legit and now writes for the Miami New Times.





A Colt 45 Christmas

A parody Christmas record, from a Grammy-nominated rapper? Yup. In 2006, Afroman took a debauched look at Christmas with songs named “Deck My Balls” and other titles we shouldn’t repeat, plus the new classic “O Chronic Tree”: “O Chronic tree, oh chronic, I want you all for me.” (Chronic being slang for marijuana, of course.)

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