Common Lies that People Tell

 By Bruce Shawkey

"The check is in the mail," or closely related, "The post office must have lost it."

The post office DOES lose shit, but all too often they get a bad rap.

“I have read and agree to the terms and conditions.”

Nobody does this! Just click "agree."

"When I am elected, I will…”

Politicians' promises.

We value your privacy.

Like hell you do! All info is available for a price.

The surgeon who says, “you’ll experience some mild discomfort.”

You know it’s gonna hurt like hell.

"You can do anything if you put your mind to it."

We all have our limitations. I could study my ass off and cut out all junk food and work out non-stop. Does it mean I'll be the next Elon Musk or Albert Einstein? No. We all have limitations.

I can quit anytime I want.

A favorite of alcoholics and cigarette smokers.

"If there are any questions, please don‘t hesitate to ask."

A favorite of HR departments. They work for the company; they're not out to help you.

"I’ll be there in 5 minutes."

No, you typically won't be. Respect my time, please.

"I recently read somewhere that…”

You mean you saw something on Instagram.  This doesn't make you an instant expert!




"No, honey. You don't look fat in that..."

Don't ask me that ... please!

"I know how you feel."

No, you don't.






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